Still more things to do!

When I wrote my last post, "Doing all the Things!", I included a huge list of all of the things we had been up to, a short 2 weeks into the summer. It was a LONG list. And yet, it was such a tip on the iceberg! We have been playing so much. I guess I am only here now to gush about how great the last few weeks have been...

Birthdays! Athan turned 9, and Taly had a BLAST at Rowan's 3rd birthday party (Spiderman was scary, but then he was "MY BEST FRIEND EVER.").

Fun in the Yard - Food to harvest, lawns to mow, water slides to build!

 Stay-Cation at Snowbird, followed by brunch at Alta.

Hot days by the pool!

I joined a mom's soccer team for the summer!

One afternoon, I was driving home and saw some trucks in front of the high school. Even though the trucks were unmarked, my Drum Corp radar went off. Sure enough, Phantom Regiment was rehearsing on the football field! Gabe, Taly, Grandma and I went over and watched for about 40 minutes. It was a blast (no Star pun intended).

And then there have been the splash pad days... Father's Day, and every available moment since...

There have also been weekly workshops at Sego Lily; tree climbing; putting up a pool in the back yard (and the JOY of having a tanker truck show up to fill it with water!); cookie baking; trips & adventures with friends- Athan went to Mystic Hot Springs for 5 days!; and almost every evening we have had dinner on the porch, and the after dinner activities have included kicking the soccer ball, running through sprinklers, tossing the football, riding bikes, and so much more. Seriously, my heart is so full.

And then there are moment when my heart practically stops, like this one:

This is why I have health insurance... At least he made it :)

Happy Summer, everyone!

Doing All the Things

Last summer was tough. I remember sitting in my kitchen in early May in tears, as I realized that the summer we had been planning (Athan had spent hours on Pinterest pinning enough crafts and science experiments to last twelve summers) was not going to happen. Instead, I would spend almost every waking hour at Sego Lily School getting our new campus ready for Fall. I needed a break, and wasn't going to get it.

But oh, this summer... we are only 2 weeks in, and have already done more in those two weeks than we managed in the entire summer last year. We've played in the water, and gone to the fair, and camped in the yard, and played in more water, and gone to the splash pad, and watched a movie in the park, and done crafts, and built a water slide in the back yard, and played at the park, and gardened and enjoyed our house, and taught the 13 year old to run the riding mower, and barbequed and seen friends, and done a workshop at Sego Lily, and played in the water some more.

Taly in his pool

Taly at the splash pad

Ahhh... sun on my skin!

Taly had SO much fun on the carnival rides! He looks worried, but he smiled most of the time!

"Driving lessons"

Home-made water slide

Gardening bounty

Movie in the park

And even though that sounds like a lot for 2 weeks, it hasn't felt busy at all. In fact, it has been very relaxing, and I have also found time to clean my house and write and work.

We recently overhauled Sego Lily School's Open House presentation. We still cover the basics about how our school works, and the hours we are open, all of those things parents need to know to make an informed decision. However, we also spend about half of the time talking about the importance of PLAY and why it is such an integral part of what our students do all day. While I am talking, I tend to use several examples to make the various points in the presentation. Usually, these examples include are a toddler learning exploring her environment, a group of 8-10 year old children playing an imaginative game in the yard, a mixed-age group playing a board game, and an adult pursuing some interest. It's easy for people to see the value of toddlers and young children playing, but using these examples they begin to see how play is essential for older children in teens, and the ways that play shows up in their own lives as well. Adults play in different ways. Some of us play video games or board games, some of us explore new technology, or educate ourselves about things that have nothing to do with what we NEED to know (though when those things can overlap, life can really be fun!). For some adults play is social gatherings, for others it is the solitary act of completing a Sudoku puzzle. Regardless of how we play, we all need to play.

That was what was missing for me last summer. It wasn't simply a matter of taking time off from work, it was taking time out to play that was missing. Even things that I enjoyed, like working in my garden, became work instead of play, mostly because I was cramming them into short bursts of time when I didn't really want to be doing them. Playing these last two weeks has been restorative at a level I cannot even put into words.

Of course, the kids are playing, too. Both Athan & Gabe have taken on reading challenges for the summer, which is amazing, and I think it is having the time to play that has given them both a desire to take down time for reading as well. Suffice it to say, I have a lot of happy kids around me right now.

There is more I could say on this subject, but I have to get ready for a birthday party and then a night in the mountains. I'm too busy playing to sit still for too long! And that feels like a beautiful thing.

Resiliency is a Beautiful Thing

I just spent an hour writing the most perfect blog post. Then I accidentally deleted it. Then I cried. Now I am going to try to write it again...

In February, I wrote in the Sego Lily School blog to explain that Corbin, my oldest, had decided to attend public school. You can read more about that here, but the short version is that he wanted to see what high school is like, and have the experience most kids in our country are having on a daily basis.

It is a struggle for me, now, to not title this post "How Public School Broke My Kid." This, of course, is just my playing with language - my kid is not broken. But oh man, did it do a number on him. Here's what happened.

First, the good stuff: Corbin did well in his classes. He was proud that he passed all of his classes at the end of his first term, especially since he started late and had to catch up to make those grades. He even did well with math - he and I spent several evenings together while I helped him with algebra and geometry, and he managed to pick up most of it very quickly. He enjoyed his photography class, and even won an award at the district art show for one of his 3-D art class projects. He learned a lot about free speech - including the fact that you will face resistance when what you have to say goes against the grain. He also made a few friends, and got to see what education looks like for most people his age.

The negatives, however, far outweighed the positives. Corbin felt bullied every day. As a non-straight, gender fluid person, he struggled to find acceptance. He listened to others debate his gender behind his back. Even at the GSA after school club (gay straight alliance), he found no one who could see outside our societies binary structure of gay or straight, male or female. He experienced bullying from teachers as well - when he chose not to stand for the pledge, one teacher responded with his personal views about his military service, leaving Corbin feeling as though he was being pressured to take actions he strongly opposes. Corbin also shared many stories with me of being the only person in a class with any knowledge of, or interest in, the subject matter. He was experiencing the all-too-real dynamic of kids who don't care about learning. He wasn't always enthusiastic about everything he was doing, but I heard in his voice the sadness of being the only one who seemed to care.

So much of what was happening, though, was intangible. My kid - the one who has always been opinionated, but has also always been up for a good conversation - stopped talking. He took on a victim mentality, and started speaking as though he was hopeless and had no choice in his life. One night we were talking about his future, and he stated that his only goal was to make enough money to live. He no longer cared about college, or any meaningful career, and all he wanted to do was get out of the house as soon as possible.

His father and I had become the enemy. He wasn't hateful, he just didn't want to be around us, or talk to us, or interact with us more than the absolute minimum. He was resentful that his dad was waking him up for school in the mornings (after practically begging to go to school!), and wouldn't open up to either of us about what was going on in his social life.

One night, after some drama, the three of us were sitting together attempting to get to the bottom of what was going on. What I realized in that conversation was that Corbin really did feel as though he had no choice. I don't know if being part of the crowd of 3,500 kids had made him lose his voice, or forget how to use it, or something else, but we have always taught him that we can fix any problem through communication, and he wasn't talking. I mentioned him not finishing the school year (part of the agreement we had when we started), and he said "I thought that wasn't an option." As soon as he realized that he could choose, he began to discuss the things he wanted to do - graduate from Sego Lily School next year, apprentice with a photographer, finish out Odyssey of the Mind projects for World Finals, and more.

Within a day, he was talking to me about where he was going (including exact addresses), how he was feeling, and what he wanted to do. Within a week, he had opened up about some personal stresses he has been struggling with. He got to work on Odyssey props, starting communicating with his brothers, and became happy again. It was like a light came back on in him.

Here's the thing about resiliency. We tell parents who come to Sego Lily School that yes, their children will learn to read and write, and add, and everything else they need to know to be successful in the world, but more importantly they will learn lessons about who they are, how they learn, and who they want to be in their lives. I can honestly say that those lessons are things Corbin learned. Yes, he needed a reminder and a nudge to remember that he learned them, but without those lessons I fear we would be facing intensive therapy with him right now. Instead, he bounced back into being my opinionated, vocal, amazing child. Yes, he's a tired teenager, busy trying to figure out how the world works, but he is OK. He isn't broken, that's for sure.

I'm not one to say "I told you so," but I will say this. When Corbin was little, I knew that a standard educational experience was not going to work for him. I decided to take on the joys, stresses, workload, and insanity of starting a school and keeping it alive for him, and for his brothers. I say to you now, my children - this is for you. It was the right thing to do, and it continues to be the right place for me to put my time and energy. I won't question that again after this experience (well, I might, but in those moments I will remind myself of this moment). I'm sorry we had to learn a lesson in such a painful way, but it was worth it.